The Only Way
by Sarah Lynne
Summary: Mamoru is all broken up inside over his and Usagi's done relationship. How will he overcome his grief? Or will he........ don't read if you're having a bad day!


Title: The Only Way  
Author: Sarah Lynne  
website: http://www.angelfire.com/gundam/sarahlynne13/  
Rating: R  
Warnings: dark, suicide, angst, death  
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko-sama and   
not to little old me. I've got zippo free money so you wouldn't   
get anything anyway.  
Just please don't sue!  
  
  
WARNING: This story contains the issue of suicide. If this   
makes you uncomfortable,  
please do not continue. This fanfic in no way promotes suicide   
as good in any situation.   
All suicide should be avoided and help sought.  
  
The Only Way  
by Ssarah Lynne  
  
Drip...  
  
Drip...  
  
Drip...  
  
Tears streaked down the young man's cheeks as he stared out his   
high rise apartment. The falling rain gave the world a sorrowful tone   
which only added to his misery. His hands came to rest lightly on his   
head as he cradled his raven-black locks. His hands started to tighten  
on his silky strands as his body started to shake with his sobs.  
Images of her flashed through his head. Her hair gold like honey  
in the sun.... her eyes like blue sapphires, sparkling with joy and  
love.... her skin white like the floating clouds.... her lips red like  
the beautiful rose... her young body graceful like the willow.  
He remembered his first encounter with the perky and lovely  
blonde. It had been that fateful test. That 30% had been a call of  
destiny. He had turned to see his love, Usako. He had wanted to be suave  
and charming, but something had happened. For some reason, he had popped out  
an insult. He had seen her wonderful face change from apologetic to furious.  
So had started the almighty war of Mamoru and Usagi.  
Sobs wracked his body harder as he thought of the youma battles  
during the fight with the Negaverse. He had protected her as Tuxedo Kamen  
and had feuded with her as Chiba Mamoru. Yet as any form, he had loved  
her. Even as he had been brainwashed by the other side, a tiny flicker  
of love remained. Enough that he couldn't kill her, no matter what.  
Afterwards, his innermost dreams and hopes had come true. He got  
his lovely Usako for his girlfriend and true love. They had taken walks  
in the park, gone out for ice cream, had study sessions (which didn't help  
much as they only starred at each other), and watched sunsets together.   
Whenever they could, they had been together. Mamoru smiled wanly as he  
remembered Usako's dad's reaction when he had found out that his little  
girl had a boyfriend.  
Then they had come.... Those disturbing dreams had started coming.  
At first he had tried to ignore them. He would ignore the painful ache in  
his heart at the thought of his Usako hurt or worse, dead. Yet the dreams  
would continue and give him restless nights. Finally the dreams had  
gotten to him. Something inside of him snapped and went over the deep edge.  
He started to question whether he had a right to put his Usako in danger.  
So many people depended on and loved her. Who was he to endanger her? And  
so he had done the impossible... He had confronted her and had broken her  
heart. He had had to watch her hands clench in a mix of anger, confusion,  
and hurt. He had had to watched her eyes shimmer with tears as he had told   
her that he didn't love her anymore. He had watched her heart break. The  
memory was very vivid to him. It was where his soul had slowly started to  
died...  
  
***  
  
Flashback...  
  
The sun had shone brightly in contrast to the mood Mamoru was in.   
His mind and  
heart were in a miserable state of mind. He was about to break from his   
soulmate and  
cause her pain. Several times, he was tempted to keep ignoring his dreams.   
But he  
couldn't. This needed to be done. No matter the cost, Mamoru needed to   
protect his  
Usako.   
He jumped when he heard the knock on the door. He opened it to see   
Usagi's  
smiling face as she greeted him. Her smile faltered somewhat as she noticed   
that her  
Mamo-chan wasn't responding to her in kind. He still stared at her in   
sorrow. She silently  
came in and sat uncomfortably on the couch.  
Mamoru noticed Usagi's uncomfortable demeanor. Before she could get  
comfortable, he had to get this over with. Mamoru took a deep breath,   
holding back the  
tears that threatened to fall. He must keep a cold face to her. With   
that, he slipped a cold  
mask on and turned to her.   
"Usagi-san. I called you here to tell you that our relationship   
is no more. I don't  
feel the love I did for you. I want you to leave my life forever,"   
Mamoru said with as  
much calm as he could.  
A look of shock entered across Usagi's face. Disbelief and confusion   
played  
across her eyes. Tears glimmered on her cheeks as they started to fall.   
"You don't mean  
that, Mamo-chan. You don't. You're joking, right?" Usagi asked uncertainly.  
"No, Usagi-san. I'm very serious. It's time we spent time apart.   
Please leave  
now."  
Usagi just sat there in shock. Why was her Mamo-chan doing this?   
What had she  
done?! Why was he doing this?! Usagi suddenly jumped from her seat. She   
clenched her  
hands in suppressed fury and twirled towards her former love. "Is that   
how you want it?   
Well, you can have it that way! I won't ever bother you again, sir."  
With that, Usagi turned and ran out of the apartment, her golden   
hair a silken  
banner of defeat behind her. Small droplets of tears fell in trails behind   
her as she  
disappeared around the corner of the doorway.  
Mamoru sat there stunned, his mind in the void. His Usako was gone. She had  
left this room, never to come back. Never to grace his quarters with her   
grace or gentle  
nature. Never to give him a smile full of the sun. Never to look at him   
with those eyes of  
sapphire blue that shone with love just for him. A crack of pain started   
in his heart and  
worked its way out. He leaned forward slowly, his hand gently lying over   
his heart. He  
slowly backed up to the wall behind him and slide down until he sat on the   
floor. He  
brought his knees up to his chest and hugged himself. His eyes stared into   
space as he  
rocked back and forth. Silent tears took their migratory journey down his   
cheeks and to  
the edge of his face. There they held for a moment in time before taking   
the final plunge  
to the abyss below.   
  
Drip...  
  
Drip...  
  
Drip...  
  
End Flashback....  
  
***  
  
Many painful sobs had been wrenched from his lips since that moment. There had  
been times when he had been drawn very close to calling or confronting Usagi   
and telling  
her the entire truth. About the dreams and the prophecies of her death.   
Yet he always  
pulled up short. He couldn't endanger Usagi with his attentions. He must   
stay separate  
from her. Forever...  
A small, half-hearted cry clawed from his scared and sore throat.   
The tears  
coursed again as his eyes took in the dismal rain. His pain seemed to have   
lasted forever.   
The only thing that sustained him now was Motoki at the arcade and his   
memories of  
Usagi. Nothing else mattered...  
  
***  
  
The following day was the usual. The sun shone brighter than the   
day before. No  
traces were left of the rain. The city of Tokyo was alive and running once   
more. Chatter  
rang along the walls of the towering buildings. Chatter of shoppers making   
their  
purchases...chatter of school children just released to freedom...chatter   
and shouts of  
parents chasing wayward toddlers.  
In the park, ducks and swans swam in lazy strokes on the lake.   
The wind blew  
through the trees, rustling the leaves in a quiet melody. Sunlight   
filtered through the trees  
to dapple the hidden paths and the green lawns. Flower gardens worked   
tenderly by the  
elderly gardener gave a sweet perfume to the entire scene. People walked   
through in a  
happy mood. Children ran, giggling, along the lake shore. Young couples   
lay side by side  
under the cool shade of the blooming sakura trees. Under one such tree, a   
young man sat  
alone. His dark black hair seemed to gather the shadows. His hung head met   
no one's  
eyes. He stayed in his own world, separate from everyone.  
Mamoru's thoughts dwelled on memories as he shut out the world. Yet   
that was  
not to be. A familiar voice rang in laughter. His heart quivered in fear   
and anguish. His  
head jerked up and his eyes widened, startled. There she was! She was   
laughing at a joke  
uttered by her friends. From the blush on the brown-haired girl's face,   
the joke was over  
her fascination with men. His chest contracted when he saw how happy she   
was. She was  
thankfully unaffected anymore by their break-up. That was until she   
suddenly turned and  
met his troubled eyes. Her smile vanished as suddenly as it had appeared.   
Her eyes iced  
over with red hot anger. Her mouth became clenched in a grim line.   
Her hands formed  
themselves into fists. The four others looked to where Usagi was looking.   
Their eyes  
clouded as their faces started to get red. Mamoru gulped in apprehension.   
Now would be  
a good time to leave if he didn't want to get hurt. These girls with their   
heightened Senshi  
powers could do him serious harm. With that, he stood silently and walked   
away from his  
heart.  
He had gotten as far as the entrance into the park. Suddenly he   
heard screams  
coming from where he had just come from. Evil energy hit him as he twirled   
to view the  
park, his eyes wide in horror. Usako! Just then, the familiar ache of his   
head and heart  
that said Sailor Moon was in danger hit him. Mamoru started running back,   
taking out a  
red rose in full bloom from inside his pocket. Mamoru ran behind a swaying   
tree and  
emerged as Tuxedo Kamen, champion and former love of Sailor Moon, the Moon  
Princess.  
As Tuxedo Kamen arrived to where Usagi had last been, he gasped.   
Everything  
was destroyed. Trees were uprooted and thrown haphazardly across the   
ground. Limp  
bodies of people lay drained of their life energy. In the actual battle   
itself, the Senshi  
weren't doing too well. Sailor Venus was already unconscious and lying   
among the  
people. Jupiter was limping and Mars sported a black eye and a limp arm.   
Tuxedo  
Kamen's eyes wandered to the demon they were fighting. No wonder they were   
battered!   
The monster stood nine feet tall and three feet wide. Large muscled arms   
hung by its  
heaving sides, ending in claws. Its eyes glowed a sickly yellow as it   
growled. Lines of  
fangs and sharp teeth lines its mouth as it snarled at the crouching figures   
before it. Sailor  
Moon stood shivering, holding her moon scepter before her in defiance.   
Mercury stood  
off to the side and analyzed the demon with her computer, obviously not   
finding any  
useful information. As Tuxedo Kamen examined the situation, the attacker   
grew  
impatient. A sudden flash of brown made Tuxedo Kamen turn his head from   
Mercury  
who was running towards Moon, shock and fear on her small face. The demon   
had grown  
impatient. Closing in for the kill, he leaped for the little female   
warrior before it. Without  
thinking or feeling, Tuxedo Kamen lept for his love and barreled into her   
seconds before  
the evil did. It was so close that Tuxedo Kamen's cape paid the ultimate   
price. It  
fluttered to the ground like a wounded bird.  
They fell to the ground with a hard thud, Tuxedo Kamen beneath   
cushioning the  
fall. He felt sharp hits on his chest as sailor Moon pounded on him to   
let her go. He  
looked up to see she had left him lying on the ground like a discarded   
piece of trash.   
Small tears started to form ,but he still swallowed them. He couldn't   
let her see him cry.   
Without looking at him anymore, Sailor Moon brandished her scepter   
at the  
monster. As it was trying to turn back around to rush Moon, Mercury snapped   
out of her  
shock at Tuxedo Kamen's abrupt rescue. She took in the situation and   
acted quickly. She  
folded her arms over her chest and brought them over her head as she   
shouted her attack,  
"SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!" The wall of icy water slammed into the hairy   
beast and  
froze it in a block of ice. Sailor Moon took advantage of the frozen   
monster and launched  
her attack. The magical blast shattered the ice and the monster as one.  
Sailor moon breathed heavily and looked around. She spotted   
Jupiter and Mars  
helping a dazed Venus to her feet. She wondered briefly how they would   
explain away  
the Senshi's injuries. She then turned to see Tuxedo Kamen still lying   
on the ground,  
shocked. her cold eyes met his sad ones momentarily. Afterwards, she   
turned form his as  
if he meant nothing.  
Tuxedo Kamen's heart squeezed as she turned from him. Would they   
never be  
together again?! He suddenly didn't care. Sailor Moon had proven to him   
that she could  
take care of herself with a little help which the Senshi provided. Her   
being with him  
endangered her no more than usual. With this revelation in his mind, he   
leapt up and ran  
after his love. Not even thinking, Tuxedo Kamen grabbed her arm to stop   
her hasty  
retreat.  
Sailor Moon twirled around fast enough to make her hair spin. Her   
hand followed  
her hair's fast course and snapped across his cheek in a stinging slap. He   
stumbled back in  
shock, his hand trembled while holding his red-marked cheek. His eyes were   
wide enough  
to see total white around the beautiful blue iris'.  
"Don't ever touch me again, you bastard! What gives you the right   
to touch me?!   
You took my heart and shattered it against your own stony heart. You took   
my being and  
threw it into the abyss. Well, no more! You have destroyed my life enough. Get away  
from me and don't ever come back! Your diseased mind won't ever poison me   
again. I  
will love you no more for as long as you live!" Sailor Moon shouted for the   
whole world  
to hear her pain.  
Tuxedo Kamen just stood there for a moment, staring in anguish at   
Sailor Moon.   
His eyes took on a glazed look through his eye mask holes. Any flicker of   
hope or  
happiness died. Before Tuxedo Kamen could be torn beyond repair, he ran   
from the now  
stained park. He ran without direction for hours, not even bothering to   
change back to  
Mamoru. Tears leaked in endless streaks as he ran for his life. Sailor   
Moon's harsh words  
echoes in his ears and soul. Now he knew how had had made her feel when   
he had  
delivered his heartless message. She had been torn to shreds as he now   
was. He was now  
infinitely sorry for what he had done. If she would have listened to him   
now, he would  
have apologized profusely for all eternity and tell her every day how much   
he loved her.   
Yet now he would have no choice. She had given up on him. Her love had   
withered  
away under his apparent disinterest. Now there as nothing for him. His   
life was dead...  
  
***  
  
Mamoru now sat in his apartment silently, the clock ticking   
sorrowfully in the  
kitchen. Mamoru sat on the couch, his legs apart and his hands on his   
knees. His blue  
eyes stared at the white wall, following the patterns the paintbrush had   
made. Yet his  
thoughts were far more chaotic than those paint strokes. His mind was   
rebelling at the  
idea of Usagi not loving him anymore. They had always loved each other,   
right? It was  
never supposed to end. They had loved for an eternity and beyond. Could   
it all die so  
suddenly? Yet Mamoru had seen Usagi's angry face. He had seen her extreme   
atred for  
him in her flame core color eyes. She had given up on him... The idea rang   
in his now  
hollow mind, his soul finally accepting the inevitable. The eternal love   
of Prince  
Endymion and Princess Serenity was no more, shards of a broken dream.   
Mamoru's  
crystalline eyes took on a dead appearance as he thought along forbidden   
paths. If the  
love he shared with Usagi was dead, then what use was life? Her love had   
been the only  
entire bright point in his life. His friendship with Motoki was there, true. Yet he had  
But he had   
never really let Motoki into his life. They were only really low level   
friends. There was  
his stellar school achievements, but what good were they without love?   
You couldn't live  
long and happily on just achievements alone. So he had nothing left to   
live for.   
Mamoru's thoughts stilled, centered on that one last thought.   
Life wasn't worth  
living... So couldn't he rectify that? He could give Usagi her happiness   
back by taking his  
stinking presence from it. He could save her from the last torment of his   
words. His mind  
latched onto this like a life preserver. His body and soul, full of purpose,   
rose and  
walked to the kitchen. He left the lights off, casting dim shadows   
everywhere. What light  
that did come through the window seemed to direct itself on the carving   
knives by the  
stove. As if in a trance, Mamoru approached and reached. His cold fingers   
closed on the  
handled of the nearest knife. It was the serrated knife for cutting meat.   
Far in the back of  
Mamoru's mind, a small voice quirked on how appropriate the knife was as he   
was only  
meat taking up space. As Mamoru pulled the knife from the wooden holder, it   
made a  
dull clanking noise as it hit the edge of the wood. The clang seemed to   
echo throughout  
the kitchen like a bell chime of death. Mamoru brought the silver blade level   
with his  
sappharine blue eyes, appraising what he was going to do. yet he could not   
find any  
reason to delay his actions. With no further hesitation, he leveled his   
blade, point first, at  
his abdomen. before he could have second thoughts, he plunged himself to   
his death.  
  
**  
  
Usagi lay in her bed, tossing and turning in her disturbed sleep.   
She was having a  
dream of her and Mamoru's wedding. It was a happy day with all their family   
and friends  
there. They were about to kiss when the earth rumbled and shook. It fell   
apart under her  
and she fell. She looked up at Mamoru who watched her with horror. Then a   
loud  
booming voice sounded saying that Mamoru had to stay away from Usagi if he   
wanted her  
to live. Usagi could see the pain on Mamoru's face as he was told this.   
His love was  
being tested against his protective feelings toward her. Usagi knew which   
one would win  
out.   
Suddenly, Usagi sat up in bed, sweating and breathing hard. Her   
eyes were wide  
and her knuckles were white as they clutched the blankets to her chest.   
Was that just a  
dream? It had seemed so real! As if it would really happen. Was this a   
dream Mamoru  
was getting? Was this why he broke up with her?   
Usagi thought back to the aftermath of the battle in the park. She   
remembered the  
way Mamoru's eyes had glazed over as if his soul had left his body. She   
wondered now if  
she had done the right thing in saying that. She loved Mamoru as much now as  
she ever  
did before. She hoped that he could sense that somehow.  
Suddenly she started feeling that someone she knew was in grave   
danger. The  
source and the identity of the person were unknown to her. She tried to   
follow the physic  
links she had with her friends and her loved one...  
She suddenly got an excruciating pain in her abdomen. It felt as   
if a knife was  
driving itself into her with crushing force. With this agony came an image. It was an  
An  
image of Mamoru in a dim room which she vaguely identified as his kitchen.   
He was  
hunched over as if in great pain. As Usagi watched in apprehension, Mamoru   
slipped to  
one knee, clutching his stomach. Then Usagi saw his face. It was void of   
feeling or  
thought. His eyes seemed glazed over and any flicker of life was gone.   
From far away  
Usagi seemed to hear high pitched screaming. It took several moments for   
her to realize  
that the person screaming was her.  
She stopped her wail with a strong exertion of her will. She   
wouldn't get anything  
done by screaming. Her love was in danger. She may be royally ticked   
at him for hurting  
her, yet she still loved him. She quietly took her brooch with the   
crystal from the night  
stand by her bed. She raised it above her head and called her words of   
power, "MOON  
CRYSTAL POWER!" Swirls of pink ribbons surrounded her form and made her   
her alter  
ego, Sailor Moon. Her face set in determination, she lept from her window   
into the night  
to help her soulmate.  
  
***  
  
Moonlight streamed through the window panes to reflect brightly in   
the linoleum  
floor. The kitchen appliances took on an a sinister appearance in the dark   
shadows. The  
silence seemed to echo onto itself. Only the faint murmurings of shallow   
and uneven  
breathing stirred the silence. One moon beam seemed to center on one prone   
figure. The  
darkness of the surrounding pool of blood seemed to suck up the light. The   
face of  
Mamoru Chiba had on a pained, yet tranquil, face as his long-fingered hands   
clutched his  
abdomen. The long handle of the knife stuck out of his wound as a reminder   
of what he  
had done. Blood still welled from the wound as time slowly passed. As the   
seconds flew  
by, Mamoru's thoughts were starting to scatter in a cloud of forgetfulness.   
His sluggish  
thoughts remembered the pain as the knife had entered his unprotected body.   
Yet he had  
also felt emense relief that he was relieving stress in Usagi's life. His   
thoughts also kept  
coming back to his angel, his Usako. Her laughter echoed through his soul   
like a memory.   
Her blue eyes took on a ghostly shine. Mamoru's lips twitched slightly in   
a smile as he  
remembered. He thought of how she had giggled at two crows fighting in the   
park. He  
remembered her helping up a child that had fallen and scraped a knee. He   
remembered her  
swinging back and forth on a swing, her legs pumping harder to send her   
higher. A deep  
sadness settled with the knowledge that he would never see her do these   
things again. Yet  
deep relief followed with him knowing that he was removing a problem, namely   
his  
unworthy self, from her sight and life. His body's senses barely registered   
the crash of the  
door of his apartment.  
  
***  
  
Sailor Moon's body slammed into the door of Mamoru's apartment, her   
inner  
senses screaming that her love was injured and injured very severely. Her   
alarm sent her  
to the kitchen where a horrible sight met her eyes. Mamoru laid in a pool   
of black blood  
with a wicked-looking knife in his abdomen. His chest rose in shallow and   
uneven  
breaths. His entire body lay in loose repose. His eyes were half-closed,   
the thick  
eyelashes barely brushing the pale cheeks. His lips were slightly apart as   
his last gasps for  
breath were heard.   
Sailor Moon gave off a cry of a tortured soul. Her legs wobbled   
precariously as  
she approached Mamoru's side. Her body shuttered as her bare knees and   
lower legs  
came into contact with the sticky fluid on the floor. Her hands and arms   
shook as they  
came around Mamoru's head and shoulders to cradle him to her chest. His   
eyes fluttered  
partly open as his dull, lifeless eyes met hers. Her vision blurred even   
more as tears welled  
up. A faint smile appeared on Mamoru's lips as he gazed on her for the last   
time. A slight  
whisper ran from his lips as he uttered his last, "Usako, forgive........me?   
........love.......y--" With those last syllables, Mamoru Chiba left behind   
a heart-sickened  
Sailor Moon, as the moon continued to shine......  
  
THE END....  
  
So.... what did ya think... Still think I'm sane.... Please  
review and tell me what you think!  
  



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